Deacon Ed Shoener
Suicide Remembrance and Healing Mass

 

Suicide – it is a hard word.

My family knows.  Our beautiful daughter Katie died by suicide at the age of 29 on August 3, 2016, after a long battle with bipolar disorder. Katie was a sweet, vibrant young woman, who loved life, the people around her - and Jesus Christ. We miss her dearly.

Many of you here today also miss your child, or your spouse, your brother or sister, your parent, your friend.

And for those of you who have attempted suicide yourselves.  We are so glad that you are well and that you are here with us today.

As we heard in today’s second reading: “God our savior wills everyone to be saved and to come to the knowledge of the truth”. As much as each one of us wept at the suicide death of our loved one, the truth is that Christ wept as much or more than we did, because he created them, wants them to be saved, and loves them - more than even we do.

Suicide is a leading cause of death in this country and around the world. If today is a typical day in the United States about 125 people will die from suicide. Over 46,000 people died from suicide last year. We pray for them and their families.

We need to declare war on suicide —just as we’ve done with other public health threats like HIV and cancer—and demand better mental health care in order bring these death rates down.

Suicide remains a persistent and agonizing cause of death because we don’t openly talk about suicide. It is shrouded in stigma and ignorance.  But we can no longer hide suicide. We need to bring it out into the open and let the light of Christ shine on it and heal it.

That is why this suicide remembrance and healing Mass being celebrated today by Bishop Bambera is important.  It is bringing the discussion of suicide into our community and into the life of the Church and it brings us hope.  

Hope that those who are afflicted with suicidal thoughts and struggles will see the Church as a place where they will find support and understanding. Hope that those of us grieving a loved one who died by suicide will find compassion and healing in the Church.

Yet sadly, in the past the Church was not a place of hope for those grieving the suicide of a loved one.  There was a time, within the memory of many of us, when a funeral Mass was denied to someone who died by suicide. Fortunately, as our understanding of psychology and mental illness has improved, the Church has developed a more compassionate teaching on suicide.

The Catechism was revised in 1994. It of course says we should not kill, and that includes suicide. But it now recognizes that “psychological disturbances, anguish, or grave fear of hardship, or suffering, can diminish the responsibility” of a person who dies by suicide.

Our Church now offers hope. It teaches: “We should not despair of the eternal salvation of persons who have taken their own lives. By ways known to him alone, God can provide the opportunity for salutary repentance. The Church prays for persons who have taken their own lives.”

Pope Francis has asked that we remember the victims – often young people – of suicide. Asking us to pray for them and their families, so that they are never left alone, or discriminated against, but instead are welcomed and supported.

In a few moments, we will be invited to bring forward a flower and place it in the basket before the image of the Pieta, of Mary holding the body of her son Jesus, in prayerful memory of a those who died by suicide.

Look at the image. Mary knows what it is to see a loved one suffer and die. Pray to Mary.  She understands. I have experienced this. She will bring you great consolation.

Like Mary, although we grieve deeply, we can look to the cross and know with certainty that death is not the final word; even the tragedy of death by suicide is not the final word.  Our suffering and the suffering of our loved one is joined to Christ’s suffering on the cross and is transformed.

God overcomes all evil, even the evil of suicide, and transforms it to new life. When the resurrected Christ appeared, his scars remained. Our wounds of pain and grief may remain, but they can begin to heal, the scars eventually becoming a part of the new life of the redemption story.

We overcome the suicide of a loved one by taking what they loved and bringing that love into the world.  Remember what made them smile, what they enjoyed, and bring that joy into the world. And we can take the suffering in our lives and transform it into loving service to those who suffer with what they suffered.

You know, we are in communion with our dead loved ones – that is called the communion of the saints. They have not disappeared into the ether.  They still very much exist.  In fact, they are closer to God than we the living are.

So, we must pray to our loved ones who died by suicide.  Ask them to help us remember and understand their suffering. Ask them to guide us to a deeper understanding of mental health disorders and of the pain and the suffering that led to their suicide.  

Ask them to guide us to demand better mental health care. Ask then to guide us to expand mental health ministries in the Church. 

And most importantly, ask them to guide us to bring hope to those who suffer like they did. To tell them that they are loved by God. To tell them it is good that they exist.

I will close with the prayer that is on the back of your program. While I say this prayer I will be remembering my Katie.  And I invite you to silently pray along while remembering your loved one who died by suicide:

Crucified Savior, you know all things, and I do not. Help me accept the reality that I may never fully understand why my loved one died by suicide.

You suffered on the Cross, and cried out, “My God, my God why have you abandoned me?” My loved one must have experienced such intense, persistent psychological pain.

Remove their suffering and bring them eternal peace.

I know that all things work for the good of those who love you, and that we are called according to your purpose.

Help me to remember what my loved one loved and to bring that love into the world. Help me take their suffering and transform it into loving service to those who suffer.

Guide me to find ways to honor my loved one’s memory and to live gratefully as they would have hoped.

Give me hope and confidence in your loving mercy. Help me to survive the trauma of this suicide and be healed. Amen.

 

Cathedral of Saint Peter, Scranton, Pennsylvania
September 18, 2022